Assignment #1 - On Childhood Trauma

A Note for Myself 

YOU, give a pause to your busy life and please listen carefully. The past seventeen years of your life, which is both long and rather short, comprises many incidents, events and experiences. You faced hardships, accomplishments and numerous cases that were bittersweet. Through such occurrences, not only you gained age but also became more mature and thoughtful. Nonetheless, there is one important story to be remembered – somewhat painful and irritating. It is a single shard of your past, yet the most essential lesson that will endure throughout your life. It’s not a long story – short and simple.

        YOU: were able to be explained as an introspective, timid kiddo. Loved by your parents, grandparents and other adults, you learned how to grow up as a “nice” and “polite” kid. The Korean culture enforced you to become the ideal child who never talks back, stays calm and speaks softly. Of course, this isn’t totally bad – no reason to hate a “good boy.” Actually, there had been no problems about this, just until you transferred to a school in Bundang at age ten. 

       A new school meant more than a simple change of personal information. You had to make new friends, meet new teachers and furthermore, start a new life – totally unrelated to the one before. Here, personality mattered a lot, since kids had no background knowledge about you. But you remained to be typical “yes man,” and acted as if you were totally afraid others. Kids start to think you were dull and uninteresting.

       And such sentiment reached its climax during the soccer competition. Luckily, being one of the tallest boys, you were selected as a player to represent your class. The team was led by a boy named Dong-Jae, an athletic and influential figure in school. You tried your best – yet the game didn’t end until the final whistle of the extended period. Thus, you had to face the penalty shoot-out. All three kickers before you scored goals, thus making it a tie. Now, it became your turn, as the teacher, the referee, placed the ball on the kicking spot. You took a deep breath. But fear dominated you. Timid and afraid, you couldn’t concentrate. Your eyes trembled, hands shackled and legs ached when you realized the whole school boys were concentrating at your very moves. And as you had feared, you miss the goal. Immediately, kids blamed you, more than severely. They made you a fool, a dolt and an idiot. Suddenly, you became the subject of the greatest animosity.

        YOU! You should’ve known how to express your anger, despair and frustration about the unjust treatments. You shouldn’t have stayed there dumbfounded and speechless. After the matched was over and several weeks passed, kids still teased you for your mistake. You should have made it clear, “everyone can make mistakes!” Also, you could have bravely opposed against the disparaging comments. But, you did not. Moreover, you slowly seemed to lose confidence, silently concurring to the slanders badgering you and believing that you are, in fact, blameworthy.

        YOU – must not “dash” to derive cursory assumptions and misconceptions. You should’ve thought twice before making any more judgments. Since the day of your blunder, you lost all will to play with your friends. During recess and PE class, boys played soccer, giggling and chuckling, but you cringed alone in a shaded corner of the playground. You hastily believed that there was no one to help you. However, there were actually plenty – many of the quiet and reticent ones, those similar to you, tried to talk to you and play together. It was YOU who forced yourself to get tangled into the belief that nobody likes you. Your incomplete consideration made the situation worse.

        
         YOU; don’t compare yourself with others, especially, your peers. People are different. Dong-jae was an outspoken, out-going type of an individual. Also, he was born to be a talented athlete and a great sprinter. Condemning yourself for not being able to play soccer as well as he was an inappropriate idea. Know your strengths and weaknesses but don’t overemphasize becoming one of the crowd.

        Therefore, YOU. Have determination and conviction as a period should have. Be yourself. You must be a distinctive person, one who can speak out against unfair teasing and rumors. Think twice, and don’t exaggerate your miseries. To do so, have confidence in yourself. Get your gets, seek for self-esteem. Then, you shall be yourself.