Assignment #1 - On Childhood Trauma

A Note for Myself 

YOU, give a pause to your busy life and please listen carefully. The past seventeen years of your life, which is both long and rather short, comprises many incidents, events and experiences. You faced hardships, accomplishments and numerous cases that were bittersweet. Through such occurrences, not only you gained age but also became more mature and thoughtful. Nonetheless, there is one important story to be remembered – somewhat painful and irritating. It is a single shard of your past, yet the most essential lesson that will endure throughout your life. It’s not a long story – short and simple.

        YOU: were able to be explained as an introspective, timid kiddo. Loved by your parents, grandparents and other adults, you learned how to grow up as a “nice” and “polite” kid. The Korean culture enforced you to become the ideal child who never talks back, stays calm and speaks softly. Of course, this isn’t totally bad – no reason to hate a “good boy.” Actually, there had been no problems about this, just until you transferred to a school in Bundang at age ten. 

       A new school meant more than a simple change of personal information. You had to make new friends, meet new teachers and furthermore, start a new life – totally unrelated to the one before. Here, personality mattered a lot, since kids had no background knowledge about you. But you remained to be typical “yes man,” and acted as if you were totally afraid others. Kids start to think you were dull and uninteresting.

       And such sentiment reached its climax during the soccer competition. Luckily, being one of the tallest boys, you were selected as a player to represent your class. The team was led by a boy named Dong-Jae, an athletic and influential figure in school. You tried your best – yet the game didn’t end until the final whistle of the extended period. Thus, you had to face the penalty shoot-out. All three kickers before you scored goals, thus making it a tie. Now, it became your turn, as the teacher, the referee, placed the ball on the kicking spot. You took a deep breath. But fear dominated you. Timid and afraid, you couldn’t concentrate. Your eyes trembled, hands shackled and legs ached when you realized the whole school boys were concentrating at your very moves. And as you had feared, you miss the goal. Immediately, kids blamed you, more than severely. They made you a fool, a dolt and an idiot. Suddenly, you became the subject of the greatest animosity.

        YOU! You should’ve known how to express your anger, despair and frustration about the unjust treatments. You shouldn’t have stayed there dumbfounded and speechless. After the matched was over and several weeks passed, kids still teased you for your mistake. You should have made it clear, “everyone can make mistakes!” Also, you could have bravely opposed against the disparaging comments. But, you did not. Moreover, you slowly seemed to lose confidence, silently concurring to the slanders badgering you and believing that you are, in fact, blameworthy.

        YOU – must not “dash” to derive cursory assumptions and misconceptions. You should’ve thought twice before making any more judgments. Since the day of your blunder, you lost all will to play with your friends. During recess and PE class, boys played soccer, giggling and chuckling, but you cringed alone in a shaded corner of the playground. You hastily believed that there was no one to help you. However, there were actually plenty – many of the quiet and reticent ones, those similar to you, tried to talk to you and play together. It was YOU who forced yourself to get tangled into the belief that nobody likes you. Your incomplete consideration made the situation worse.

        
         YOU; don’t compare yourself with others, especially, your peers. People are different. Dong-jae was an outspoken, out-going type of an individual. Also, he was born to be a talented athlete and a great sprinter. Condemning yourself for not being able to play soccer as well as he was an inappropriate idea. Know your strengths and weaknesses but don’t overemphasize becoming one of the crowd.

        Therefore, YOU. Have determination and conviction as a period should have. Be yourself. You must be a distinctive person, one who can speak out against unfair teasing and rumors. Think twice, and don’t exaggerate your miseries. To do so, have confidence in yourself. Get your gets, seek for self-esteem. Then, you shall be yourself.

Reading Journal #3 -- Confronting Reality

Fall from Innocence

     Herman Hesse, in his work Demian, said, “The bird fights its way out of the egg. The egg is the world. Who would be born must first destroy a world.” This quote can applied to explaining how people grow up. The quest to become an adult isn’t always delightful and sweet for the reality, which the children get to confront instead of myths, is sometimes bitter. Unlike what the childhood fantasies say, the real world is corrupted and harsh. Therefore, during the process of growing up, it is inevitable to have many of our illusions and myths to be shattered, which was the same for Gordie, the main character in Stephen King’s novella The Body.

1) Realizing adults / parents

     Innocent babies and most of the children believe that adults are perfect, both physically and morally. Especially parents are role-models for the children to follow, since they are the very first people that babies see and learn from. Teachers, given authority and honor by the society, is also respected and trusted by the students. Thus, children have innate fear and admiration towards adults including their parents. The process of growing up deals with this issue; children learn that adults aren’t always perfect and nice.

     Gordie feels betrayed by his parents as they never really paid attention to him. His parents’ sole concern was Dennis, Gordie’s older brother, who died in a car accident prior to the beginning of the story. Teddy seems to be proud of his father as a war veteran but still he suffered great pain because of him. Chris literally “hates” his father, and he realizes how teachers can be corrupt through the milk money incident. Feeling sorry, Chris gave the money he stole back to Miss Simons, the teachers, who used it for her new skirt. Hearing the story, Gordie is also shocked in vein of learning the reality.

2) Realizing friends

     It is true that throughout the journey, Gordie finds true meanings of friendship. The journey they go through involved team work and trust between friends. However, as the story heads toward the end, Gordie also learns that friendship isn’t eternal either. Chris tells Gordie the truth that “friends drag you down,” pointing Teddy and Vern. And it was also true that Gordie and Chris slowly departed from the other two after the adventure, as Teddy and Vern became “two or more faces in the halls.” Friends, unlike our childhood dreams, aren’t always perfect, helpful or everlasting.

3) Realizing life and mortality

     This story is frankly about a journey to find a dead body. The four little boys get to confront the reality of “death” and “mortality,” which impacts the soul for sure. Gordie, after seeing the dead body, said, “He was a boy, he was dead, and I rejected the idea that anything about it could be natural; I pushed it away with horror.” Confronting mortality broke up the childhood myths towards life and death, showing the reality. And through this process the four boys grew up.

Reflective essay: a lesson for perfectionists

     A slight ache is running through my head, probably because the bus is trembling so much. Between the curtains the vast greens come to my eyes. This bus is heading for Gwangju, South Korea, where I will participate in a debate competition. I don’t feel that anxious—I’d rather say that I am eager see how far I could go. During the last few months I went through many special experiences. With my friends I participated in soccer matches, debate competitions and even went to Guam for a mock trial tournament. I wouldn’t have had the chance if I didn’t come to KMLA, since in ordinary public schools I would devote my time solely for school exams. And looking back, I find that I also went through many hardships, and overcame, a story of a little perfectionist finding out his limits.

These days, I feel like I have somehow reached my limits. Too tired and too exhausted I can’t really “think.” It feels like I have been living unconsciously for the past few days. And today, the stress level had hit the apex because of today’s debate, where I was totally humiliated and self-esteem shattered.

     I really wanted to become a better debater and a fluent English speaker. Many times I feel like I can actually do that buy whenever I stand in front of the podium and face the judges, Wayne and the seniors, I start to stumble in my speech. I get repetitive and lose sharpness, which is crucial for debating. Today, it was even worse. I prepared for the motion and set up some points, but just before the debate our team’s senior came and told me that I should change them. The two arguments were too weak and irrelevant. Listening to her, I agreed so I tried to modify them. However, the debate started soon and I was the leader of opposition, my turn came fast. I had to think of rebuttals and the definitional challenge but the problem was that I couldn’t even organize my own points. The result was awful. I got stuck right in the middle of the speech, just by myself, and couldn’t fulfill any of the duties as a LO. The comments were harsh and I felt abject. I really wanted to give up. All of the comments looked as if they were criticizing me …

     This is a piece of writing that I scribbled in May. Even today, my lack of fluency in English is a taunting limit. Back then, it seemed impossible to overcome, for I was given too little time. I entered debate competitions starting from this year, which means I had no time to learn and get better. Such situations made me fall down, devastated. I started to give up. People say, “Desperate times call for desperate measures,” but I felt I didn’t have any measures at all.

     If I had given up at that moment, I won’t be here riding this bus. Facing my limits, I chose to loosen myself. This doesn’t mean that I strived so hard and did something special to dramatically overcome my hardships. To a certain extent, it can be said that I actually gave up. I gave up to force myself do become a perfectionist. I gave up to blame myself being so powerless, incomplete and even useless. And I chose to let myself to be “myself,” believing that I can start up from the bottom. Day by day, I improved, which was possible as I didn’t have the “perfection” paradigm stuck in my head. From this series of experiences, I learned a simple, yet important lesson that limits do not define me; I define my limits.

TED: Open-source for the better-solution

     I don't know exactly when, but I started to have an exceptional fervor towards the study of medicine and human biology. Especially when I was in middle school, I was somehow crazy about the idea of becoming a medical scientist, fighting against detrimental diseases and even working for the WHO, the World Health Organization. Now, I have become more dispssionate about it, after learning that if I take the M.D.-Ph.D. integrated program after four years of undergraduate, 38 will be my age when I could take my first step as a professional. Though, I am still interested in this field for it is directly connected to life and death. And though it might sound rather absurd, I stand for philantrophy and I want to be person society needs.
     In this TED video, Jay Bradner, a researcher at Harvard Medical School, explains a discovery that is so terrific in two ways. His team developed a highly complicated molecule named JQ1, which is a cure for a rare type of midline carcinoma. This cancer is caused by a virulent protein molecule named BRD4. Aside the complex chemical names, this discovery is worth being extoled since it directly helps millions of patients around the globe. Moreover, BRD4 was one of those that were previosly known to be "incurable" or "undrugable." For Dr. Bradner and his team, it is also very special since it gave hope to them that they can find novel cures from studying the basic chemical identities of illness.
     However, the development of JQ1 has another important meaning. Dr. Bradner, along with his scientific experiments on drugs, conducted a social experiment. He implemented a revolutionary and tentative policy, which is to disclose the precious chemical information of their cure. Other researchers, mostly from pharmaceutical companies, would have certainly thought that Dr. Bradner was mad.  Similar to the firms that are infamous to be reticent and to repudiate exchanging information, he could have just kept the information to himself, produce medicine or sell it at an astronomical price. In the pharmaceutical market, chemical information equals fortune. However, Dr. Bradner decided to sacrifice the outcome of his team's diligent work for the sake of the whole society.
     It would have been banal and both sad if the pharmaceutical companies simply benefited from the disclosure of JQ1. This social experiment, as Dr. Bradner says, has been "unfortunately successful," for it was provoactive enough to instigate the number of researchers to augment and more labs to engage in the study of this molecule, enhancing the quality and stability through additional experiments conducted by these newcomers. Bradner's policy expedited the discoveries of new medications and more possible uses of JQ1, as it was found to be effective for Leukemia, multiple myeloma and apidocyte, all thought to be incurable. He expects this cycle of discovery to be incessant. All he did was "opening" the source of his new yet austere form of  cure, and what he recieved was the great euphony of numerous researchers, united under the same perspective of developing new medication. Dr. Bradner's choice was truly laudable, and inspriational.
     I hope the acheivements of Dr.Bradner have successfully derided the selfish pharmaceutical companies. They probably thought he was squandering his oppurtunity, being foolish. Of course, according to their sens of "success," Dr. Bradner is a complete failure. But that "succuss" is too superficial to be recognized as meaningful. One reseracher and his team brought the new spirit into the field of medicine. And for once more, I hope that labs all around the world will come out from their moral depravity and show deference towards Dr. Bradner.

Review: He's the Dark Knight, not the Batman

He’s the Dark Knight, not the Batman

     Christopher Nolan’s “The Dark Knight” is one of the most spectacular movies that I’ve ever seen. As one of the Batman series, starting from The Batman Begins, I thought this moview would be just so similar to the typical 'super-hero-action' films. All of the comic-based hero movies I've seen were way to simple to be called as good films. First of all, most of them rely on special effects; explosions, lasers and so ever. Also, the hero is literally the "good" guy, one distinct villian the "bad" guy and the rest are ordinary, innocent citizens so naive and ought to be protected. Typical hero films completely fit to the "hero's journey," which makes the plot banal. However, The Dark Knight is different.

      I have five critieras to evaluate and discuss on this movie, which are how the movie is creative, dynamic, well-developed, funny/heart-warming and engaging.

Reading Journal #2 - The Body

    

        “This business of being ignored: I could never really pin it down until I did a book report in high school on this novel called The Invisible Man … [N]obody notices him at all … like a black ghost”

Gordon Lachance, the protagonist of Stephen King’s novella The Body, is a twelve-year-old boy, brought up in a rather average family. He has three friends named Chris, Vern and Teddy. The four play together in their own secret meeting room, the tree house. This novella is basically a story about their adventure to find a dead body. But before the actual journey begins, King introduces the characters by inviting the readers for a journey to the suburbs of Maine during the ‘60s.

First of all, Chris Chambers is from a poor family and his father has alcohol issues. His brothers, “Eyeball” Chambers and others, are recognized as problematic students in school and in the whole town. It says that Chirs’s dad was “always on a ‘mean streak,’ more or less.” And Chris also “hated him like poison,” since he was beaten by his drunken dad occasionally.   

     The other two friends also come from inferior family backgrounds. Teddy Duchamp has a father sent to the “section eight” in hospital because of his mental illness. When Teddy was eight years old, the father shoved Teddy’s head to the stove, burning up and leaving a irrevocable scar. Vern Tessio’s family isn’t that much explained but his brother Billy Tessio is a member of the town gang, led by Ace Merill. Also Vern’s still in fifth grade, despite the fact that he is twelve.

     Last but not least, Gordie also has some issues within his family. He is constantly neglected by his parents. They only seem to care about Gordie’s older brother Dennis, and as he died in a jeep accident, they lost interest at all. And when Gordie asks his father if he could play with his friends, his father responds, “A thief and two feebles. Fine company for my son.” Gordie is upset towards his father who doesn’t try to understand at all.

Mr.Moon -- Three words that explain myself

Three words describing myself

     When asked to describe myself, three words pop in my head – curious, patterns and freshness. Ever since I started reading books, I carried sack of questions. I wanted to know more about people, the world and myself. My mother often recalls me asking too many questions at a shopping mall that while answering them she forgot what she had to buy. When young I asked anything. But as growing up, I started pondering more deeply by myself before talking about my doubts and interests. I also love to follow, find and understand patterns. Sequence, order, cause and effect describes very much of my thoughts. Maybe this made me to have interest in topic of science. Last but not least, I pursue ‘freshness’. Besides the fact that I love fresh fruit or the aroma of fresh flowers, I always desire fresh ideas that lead to inspiration. The three words curious, patterns and freshness explains why I hope to become a inspirational researcher, endeavoring on the field I feel curious about.